A letter from God...

...as He revealed to Max Lucado in Come Thirsty......

Dear Child of Mine,

Are you thirsty? Come and drink. I am one who comforts you. I bought you and complete you. I delight in you and claim you as my own, rejoicing over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride. I will never fail you or forsake you.¹

RECEIVE MY LOVE

I throw my arms around you, lavish attention on you and guard you like the apple of my eye. I rejoice over you with great gladness. My thoughts of you cannot be counted, they outnumber the grains of sand! Nothing can ever separate you from my love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Your fears for today, your worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep my love away.²

You sometimes say, “The Lord has deserted us; the Lord has forgotten us.” But, can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for a child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! I paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, my sinless, spotless Lamb. No one will snatch you away from me. See, I have written your name on my hand. I call you my friend. Why, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are valuable to me.³

Give me your burdens, I will take care of you. I know how weak you are; that you are made of dust. Give all your worries and cares to me, for I care about what happens to you.⁴

TRUST MY OVERSIGHT

Trust in me always, I am the eternal Rock, your Shepherd, the Guardian of your soul. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.⁵

So, don’t worry. I never tire or sleep. I stand beside you. My angels encamp around you. I hide you in the shelter of my presence. I will go ahead of you directing your steps and delighting in every detail of your life. If you stumble, you will not fall, for I hold you by the hand. I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.⁶

Wars will break out near and far, but don’t panic I have overcome the world. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. I surround you with a shield of love.⁷ I will make you fruitful in the land of suffering, trading beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for despair. I live with the low-spirited and spirit crushed. I put new spirit in you and get you on your feet again. Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes with the morning. If I am for you, who can ever be against you?⁸

ACCEPT MY VICTORY

I know your manifold transgressions and your mighty sins, yet, my grace is sufficient for you. I have cast all your sins behind my back, trampled your sins under my feet and thrown them into the depths of the ocean! Your sins have been washed away, swept away like the morning mists, scattered like the clouds. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free.⁹

Your death is swallowed up in victory. I disarmed the evil rulers and authorities and broke the power of the Devil, who had the power of death. Blessed are those who die in the Lord. Your citizenship is in heaven. Come, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you where I will remove all of your sorrows, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.¹⁰

RELY ON MY ENERGY

You are worried and troubled about many things; trust me with all your heart. I know how to rescue godly people from their trials. My Spirit helps you in your distress. Let me strengthen you with my glorious power. I did not spare my Son but gave him up for you. Won’t I give you everything else? March on, dear soul, with courage! Never give up. I will help you. I will uphold you.¹¹

Remember, I am at hand. Come to me when you are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. I delight in you; and I can be trusted to keep my promise. Come and drink the water of life.¹²

Your Maker, Your Father,
God

⁽¹ Isaiah 55:1, Isaiah 51:12, 1 Cor. 6:20, Col. 2:10, Isaiah 62:4-5, Hebrews 13:5 ² Deut. 32:10 MSG, Zeph. 3:17, Psalm 139:17-18, Romans 8:35 ³ Isaiah 49:14-15, 1 Peter 1:19, John 10:28, Isaiah 49:16, Jn. 15:15, Matt. 10:29-31 ⁴ Psalm 55:22, Psalm 103:13-14, 1 Peter 5:7 ⁵ Isaiah 26:3-4, 1 Peter 2:25, Isaiah 43:2 ⁶ Matt. 6:34, Psalm 121:3, Psalm 34:7, Psalm 31:20, Deut. 31:6, Psalm 37:23-24, Psalm 32:8 ⁷ Matt. 24:6, John 16:33, Phil. 4:6, Psalm 5:12 ⁸ Gen. 41:52, Isa. 61:1-3, Isa. 57:15, Psalm 30:5, Romans 8:31 ⁹ Amos 5:12, 2 Cor. 12:9, Isa. 38:17, Micah 7:19, 1 Cor. 6:11, Isa. 44:22 ¹⁰ 1 Cor. 15:54, Col. 2:15, Heb. 2:14, Rev. 14:13, Phil. 3:20, Matt. 25:34, Rev. 21:4 ¹¹ Luke 10:41, Prov. 3:5, 2 Pet. 2:9, Rom. 8:26, Col. 1:11, Rom. 8:32, Judges 5:21, 2 Cor. 4:1, Isa. 41:10 ¹² Phi. 4:5, Matt. 11:28, Psalm 149:4, Heb. 10:23, Rev. 22:17)

Dwell in it loves, and let it wash over you today....
The God of the universe loves YOU like that....
That's a powerful, soul moving thought- and it truly is all the gospel truth.

M &M's and Other treats....

Last week was a mixed bag for me.

I did manage to memorize Hebrews 10:23-25, but my plan for nightly meditation was a complete flop. I kept falling asleep on the couch fully exhausted from taking care of sick babies, and trying to keep my household together. I figure God will honor my efforts, AND I must have thought about it enough to memorize it...so that kinda counts right????

Oh Bother....No more excuses.....

What I did glean from my brief meditation in it was great. I realized that these verses are almost like my personal mission statement. This is the believer I want to be all the time.

I want to hold on to my God TIGHTLY without wavering, trusting Him alone. The power of that thought is huge for me. I often struggle with fully trusting Him. I know He will protect, love, shelter, and provide for me... I know that because he promised it. But, I often find myself trying to figure it out on my own. This week it dawned on me that every time I seek MY understanding it's like I'm wavering. hmmmm....wow.....
I kept picturing Abby walking on the side walk near the road.She keeps looking cross-ways towards me (almost daring me), then testing her boundaries she steps into the road. Luckily, I see what she can not and I grab her as a car flies past. Two things happen. First, I am so grateful I could save her. She's more precious to me then any worldly possession. Then, I feel her squeeze a little tighter, and I hope that this time she's learned her lesson. The way I am about my kids- it's how Our Daddy is about us. What He would give for us to just trust Him and reach for His hand, and not blindly seek our own way. Yet, He's so good that even when we do waver and step into danger He is there to sweep us up. I need to reach for Him, and not let go before even taking one step...He will keep his promises.

I want to encourage and motivate my fellow believers. I want to show my faith in all aspects of my life by showing kindness and love. I want to gather my village (much more then I do now). I don't want to wait for the right moment, or a clean house, or whatever any more. I want to do these things without thought. I want it to flow naturally from me so that others will see that the Grace of God does set you free. I want to share my faith by example because sometimes people only respond to a whisper. I know the day of His return is drawing near and I really want to see everyone I love at His side.

So yes, even in my fast food meditation He called to me. This is the believer I want to be.

This weeks M&M verse is:

Do everything readily and cheerfully—no bickering, no second-guessing allowed!
-Philippians 2:14 (MSG)

... as for those other tasty treats....

For those of you that don't follow my other blog I'd like to share a praise report. We WILL be homeschooling next year. Just today my Hubby asked what our school name is going to be so he can think about a logo. He's behind me 100% now in this endeavor, and that's all God work for you. If you'd like to track our home school journey you can find it here: Rough Draft.

Also please continue to keep Jay in your prayers.God is working mightily through them (he is starting to work on seeking his personal truth and relationship with God), yet there are always those days that discouragement seeps into my thoughts.

Thank you for your prayers, and know that each and everyday I am praying for you. Please don't ever hesitate to let me know how I can specifically pray for you, I fully believe there is an extra oomph in the specifics!

More from Mondays!

I have decided to start doing M&M Mondays.....what's that you say?

Something way sweeter then Mars could ever dream up, I'll tell you that!

My dear friend Joan wrote about God's recipe for success last week and it got me thinking. What can I do to help me be ever present in His Word. So I borrowed her prayer and I prayed:

Lord, I pray that Your definition of success is what I will seek after. May I look into Your Word to follow the path You have set before me. May I become a successful woman who knows Your Word, loves Your Word, and lives Your Word.

...then yesterday he gave me this idea.

......Memorization....

I have hidden your word in my heart,
that I might not sin against you.
-Psalms 119:11

.....and Meditation......

I rise before the dawning of the morning,
And cry for help; I hope in Your word.
My eyes are awake through the night watches,
That I may meditate on Your word.
Hear my voice according to Your loving kindness;
O LORD, revive me according to Your justice.
-Psalms 119:147-149


....actually all of Psalms 119 is a testament to this practice.

I can't think of a sweeter way to start my week then digesting HIS M&M's.

It is suggested that people who meditate live longer, healthier lives.That is great. But, I want to safe guard my spirit too. So here is my plan:

Every Monday I will choose a Bible verse that is relevant to my life. Then I will print it and post it around my house. That way I see it for my fast food moments. But every night after my prayers I plan to meditate solely on the verse, relaxing, taking deep cleansing breaths and allowing The Spirit to wash over me. I will then re-post the following Monday what He has revealed through His word, and choose a new verse.

I hope you will join me on this and share your personal verses, and revelations. I think it will be awesome to see how our Daddy speaks to us when we give Him our full attention.

Here is a link on Biblical Mediation. It's a long read but full of wonderful incite, and things to chew on.

My Verses for this week:

Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near
-Hebrews 10:23-25

So this is Love...

some love letters I have gratefully received:

For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

-Zephaniah 3:17

“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child?
Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?
But even if that were possible,
I would not forget you!

-Isaiah 49:15

The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying:

“ Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you.

-Jeremiah 31:3

This is real love—
not that we loved God,
but that he loved us
and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

-1 John 4:10

......Oh yes, this is Love....
Happy Valentines Day!

Thoughts on Water.....

Forgive me if this isn't well written or eloquent....I have sat down and pondered (and prayed) how to place my thoughts in a cohesive manner...I have so much going on in my brain right now....so much spirit led growth happening....I'm being continually watered.... yet this is my 5th time trying to get it all to make sense here. So tonight I'm letting the Spirit lead...come what may.

I've been overwhelmed by references to water. His Living Water.

Whoever drinks the water I give will never be thirsty.
The water I give will become a spring of
water GUSHING up inside that person, giving eternal life
-John 4:14

I have spent so long parched, saved yet stationary- just steps from The Well...too scared to move, too embarrassed to drink greedily. What was I thinking????

Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.
1 Timothy 1:13-15

I am making up for lost time. I am consuming all the water I can. I am drinking Him in. Not just in the Word but in my life, in my actions. I want to show those I love that their thirsts- the ones they can not name. The ones that drive them to anger, to worry, to fear, to addictions, and ultimately to emptiness CAN be quenched. Change can come through the Living Water.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
Romans 5:1-6

The water is there. To cleanse us, to nourish us, to bless us. It is ALWAYS there, because He is always there (Hebrews 13:5) in all ways.

Right now, I sit here amazed at the work He is doing in me, and through me. My family life, although never perfect has improved. I am a better mother and wife then I have ever been. Everyday I pray that God will lead my day, give me patience, change me, and make me willing to be willing. Some days are of course better then others, but even on my worst days I know I have taken a sip from the Living Well. So, when I wake up the next morning my mouth is not dry. I don't need to worry about yesterday's drained spirit, because today I can drink my fill. The cleansing waters of redemption never run dry...so I will drink.... fully, and deeply as often as I can.

There have been a few AMAZING resources and incites that have washed over me this week, and helped me to understand how to stand at His WELL and drink, pray and drink some more:

I just finished reading Come Thirsty By Max Lucado.

It's amazing! If you are not familiar with his writing you should check him out, he is Blessed. I'm sure this is where my obsession with The Water came from .The excerpt from the jacket reads:

You are acquainted with physical thirst. Stop drinking and see what happens. Coherent thoughts vanish, skin grows clammy, and vital organs shut down. Deprive your soul of spiritual water, and it will tell you. Snarling tempers. Waves of worry. Growing guilt and fear. But you don't have to live with a dehydrated heart. God invites you to treat your thirsty soul. Just visit the WELL and drink deeply. Receive Christ's work on the cross, The energy of His spirit, His lordship over your life. and his unending, unfailing Love.

....it's just highlighter holding, head nodding, heart speaking, deep prayer leading soul food.

My dear friend Nikki wrote this wonderful moving blog. When I read it God prompted me back to this 5th try at posting, and told me He would lead me.

Come just as you are before your God......Come (and drink) He whispered.
I will show you. I will lead you, and He did.

This A.W. Tozer prayer from The Pursuit of God

"O God, I have tasted of Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing;

I thirst to be made more thirsty."

Oh and as always Ann Voskamp gives these posts to ponder:

Imbibe Deeply,Joy Thirst, How to Find Joy

...She is another divinely gifted writer that God uses to speak to me OFTEN.

Drink up, my friends!

A song to break the cold

....my alarm chimes, and chimes again. My eyes open, and yet I do not move. Once again I am greeted by the bitter cold. Once again I am lured to stay in bed. It has been this way for a week now, and I'm beginning to feel the unrest. I do not drift back to sleep. I still chose to meet with my maker, but it's been a one way conversation...cold and needy the last few mornings. I've neglected to go to His word and listen.

The cold is a test.

Will I let it touch my bones and seep into my words and actions?
Or will I run to the light, and the warmth of my redeemer?

As I lay in bed clinging to the warmth of my prayers and my sheets, a still small voice begins singing. Singing words only a mother can decipher. Lyrics that have been jumbled about and personalized, and yet their truth rings clearly in my ears.....



Yes, Jesus loves Abby- my morning child. Since the day she way born she has raced the sun to rise. Since she has learned to sing rising with this song in her heart. Warmth fills my bones as she snuggles in close, I hum along.

Yes, Jesus loves you- My faithful friends. My prayer warriors. My fellow believers. Even in these dark cold days, when all seems bleak He is there. He has plans for you. As I lifted you up in prayer this morning I clung to that promise for you. I focused on the way that light casts away all dark. A single person may feel cold BUT add just a few more and suddenly the air is warmer and the chill is gone. So as I lay snuggled in to listen to this serenade, I laid another blanket over you this morning, one that may not be seen but only felt. He will warm you.

Yes, Jesus loves me- As I strive to honor Him. When I am good, and when I feel I fail. When I master my anger, and when I kick my child's dresser in frustration. When I am able to hear Him, and when I have on ear muffs thinking I can block the cold on my own. When I meet Him in the wee morning hours, or in fast food moments through out the day. He loves me. He warms me. He causes the only alarm clock that guarantees me to move to let out a squeal of hungry zest. She for one is ready to greet the day with a warm breakfast. As I finally leave my bed I know He loves me....even then.

The Bible tells me so:

For the mountains may move
and the hills disappear,
but even then my faithful love for you will remain.
My covenant of blessing will never be broken,
says the Lord, who has mercy on you.
-Isaiah 54:10 (NLT)

My answer is clear. To my Father I will run. His warmth is all I need. His faithful love, mercy and patience I will cling to.

Thank you God for that still small voice to remind me of Your love. Thank You for honoring my efforts and forgiving my failures. Help me to warm my children's hearts, so that they see You in my reactions- instead of the frigid cold and space between us that anger brings. I love you. Amen.

Video notes: I took this of Abby AFTER we left the inviting warmth of our bed. Funny but her voice warms me just the same.

I'm Listening

This year I think my hearing has improved....or maybe, just maybe I have learned to listen.

I'm a talker by nature. I want to show people I empathize with them and feel where they are coming from. So I talk, often when I feel like I should just shut up and listen. If I have ever done this to you- please forgive me and know that it helps me process your words by talking, so I do hear you. Still, I need to accept the quiet and listen.

I know this is true because this year God has been talking to me. Maybe this is not a new thing, maybe my self-talk has always drowned him out before, maybe I didn't see the message so neatly packaged. I don't know what hindered me in the past, but I do know that it was just that- the past.

Now I see Him in my daily life. I hear His words of affirmation and I am grateful. I follow His lead.

I have always struggled with my anger in parenting, and in life. So God gives me Psalms 86:15 to cling too. He also sends these wonderful Non-tutorials, and further encouragement my way ALL THE time. I want to be that parent....last night I chose the still small voice of patience, over my old BF anger...the look in my child's eyes said volumes.

I pray and stress over my marriage not being "equally yolked" all the time. I mentioned it in CBS yesterday and the WONDERFUL women in my core group immediately gave me these verses....

1 Peter 3:1-4

1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

1 Corinthians 7:13-14

And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

....yes Lord I am listening. Thank You for Your grace, love and mercy. Thank You for calming my heart. I am a changed being, and I am listening.

God is using Ann Voskamp @Holy Experience in a HUGE way in my life right now. So all the links I added today are from her page.

Prayer

...ok so I'm about to be a little mysterious BUT I need your help all the same.

Will you pray for God to guide Jay and I. We have an important decision to make together and I want it to be God led. Once we make a decision I will share the fruits of your prayers....

Thank you dear friends!

God has a sense of humor

.....I'm having a total LOL moment right now.....who ever said God doesn't have a sense of humor? Ok, let me explain....

The last week I've been getting up at (gasp) 6 am. Now I know for most people this is a mundane event, but for me it was like God moving a mountain. I have always hated mornings. My favorite animal is an owl...need I say more?

Well for the past few days I have been feeling like 6 just isn't early enough, but the thought of anything earlier was just too overwhelming to me. I kept trying to head talk my way into sleeping more. I kept ignoring the earlier alarm clock. So yesterday I prayed for his guidance on the issue. I needed His affirmation, after all getting up at 6 had assured I get my day started in Him and His word. I just had a few other things I wanted to check off my day before things got to awake and hectic around here. Well this morning God showed me His sense of humor.

...I wake up to a sweet baby screaming bloody murder. I go to her and see tears streaming down her sweet chunky cheeks. She has just started doing two things. Sleeping completely through the night (can I get an amen), and refusing to nurse. See normally I'd cradle her in my arms and nurse her; lulling us both back to sleep. Now I have to warm a bottle, prepare it, feed her, wash the bottle, and finally pump to refill my stash... whew! It's a lot of work. Would you like to know what time this all occurred? 5 am..... Oh yes, he does answer prayers with a sense of humor. By 5:15 she was blissfully back asleep. I put on a pot of coffee, pumped and prayed.

By the time I finished my CBS study for today I was fully awake with a case of the giggles.

God has taken this night owl and made an early bird. You know the saying the early bird gets the worm? Well my worms are bits of assurances, and knowledge. Fuel for my day. Things I wouldn't be able to focus on in the busy hustle and bustle of raising a family.. an inner peace that I can greet my family with when they wake up. I am a better woman, wife and mother when I can start my day grounded in the word- praying for His hand to guide me, and His presence to be known.
I thought this weeks CBS verse was funny too. Not in a real haha way but in that God is so good way. It's psalms 86:15

But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

That's what I want for my life. I want to be that parent too. I just finished reading Love and Logic the early years ( I have been practicing the L&L parenting style for some time now) and it made me laugh when I realized God uses the L&L technique with us!

What a fun way to start my morning....laughing with my Savior, I think today can only get better from here.

an early bird?

...here, right now it is 6 am. For the VERY first time this year I am up as I planned. My CBS study is done for the day, I have spent time in prayerful communion with my Savior, and I have won a small battle. Yesterday I was tested, but my resolve is firm...I will not be shaken, I will keep walking- one step, two steps closer to Jesus. I could feel your prayers leading me along, helping me recall which foot needed to move next- closer still. He has cradled me in His hands. He has promised me much and I know he will deliver if I remain focused on Him....if I can be patient .

Patient with His will, and patient with the everyday. That was my lesson. Stop focusing on what is. Without my sweet savior none of it will ever make sense. I must be patient and He will make His will known. He was, and IS, and Will be....He is my everything. Without Him I have nothing. So I must wait and listen. I must learn to be patient.... that's going to be a hard one. But, with God all things are possible right?

Thank you for your continued prayers and know that I am lifting you up too. We are in trying times and we need all the prayers and support we can get.

Thank you Father for revealing yourself to me. Please change my outlook- Help me to be more patient in all I do. I know that You will help us, You will sustain us- even cause us to prosper. You will always keep your word even if the way seems so unclear to me. Please direct my day and let my light shine as a beacon to You. help me to change so that I may bear witness to Your greatness. I love you. Amen.

Overwhelmed by the ordinary

Today the ordinary is bogging me down. I feel so overwhelmed. So here I am, coming to you all and requesting prayer. I don't want to be a burden, but if you could pray that the Lord will grant me His peace that would be awesome. I know that he will take care of everything. I stated before that I think this year is going to be pivotal in the faith and lives of my family. As I am steadfast in prayer, I also know the enemy is trying to derail my efforts, and confuse my mind. These struggles are his doing, these feelings are of him, NOT my sweet Jesus. I know that and yet....please pray for me.

This song brought me to tears in the car today (it's in my playlist, if you haven't herd it):

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

I am claiming this song, Isaiah 46:4 and Jeremiah 29:11 today...

...He will help me, He will sustain me, He will rescue me, He will give me hope.... of these confidences I pray.

Bible Questions

First Thanks Girls for all your suggestions about when you read, and reassurances that He will honor my efforts.

I've been saved for so long, but over the last 3 years I've been striving to understand him more deeply. I'm asking you to hold my hand and lift me up. Never before have I had the yearning to pursue Him so passionately, and it's making me feel vulnerable. I know I posted before about what your support and prayers mean to me, but I'd like to reiterate now that I am SO thankful to have your brains to pick, and words to chew on.

Finally I'd like to offer up a question for those of you who may be more versed in the word then I am. When doing my chronological reading this morning I came across this passage:

Genesis 6

1And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them,2That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose. 3And the LORD said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years.4There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.

....am I reading this right? Because I've never noticed this before. Is this referring to fallen angels or something else?

I thought angels are supposed to be androgynous.

...any thoughts you might have would be awesome. Thanks dear ones!

I am there

I "borrowed" this from someone who is like a sister to me. She keeps her blog private, and her personal life the same so I won't share her info. BUT, I will tell you that she is a wonderful source of encouragement to me. She's a wonderful mom, friend, and Christian and I feel blessed to be held close to her heart....and reminded that HE holds us close as well......

I Am There

Do you need Me?

I am there.

You cannot see Me, yet I am the light you see by.

You cannot hear Me, yet I speak through your voice.

You cannot feel Me, yet I am the power at work in your hands.

I am at work, though you do not understand My ways.

I am at work, though you do not recognize My works.

I am not strange visions. I am not mysteries.

Only in absolute stillness, beyond self, can you know

Me as I am, and then but as a feeling and a faith.

Yet I am there. Yet I hear. Yet I answer.

When you need Me, I am there.

Even if you deny Me, I am there.

Even when you feel most alone, I am there.

Even in your fears, I am there.

Even in your pain, I am there.

I am there when you pray and when you do not pray.

I am in you, and you are in Me.

Only in your mind can you feel separate from Me, for

only in your mind are the mists of "yours" and "mine."

Yet only with your mind can you know Me and experience Me.

Empty your heart of empty fears.

When you get yourself out of the way, I am there.

You can of yourself do nothing, but I can do all.

And I am in all.

Though you may not see the good, good is there, for I am there.

I am there because I have to be, because I am.

Only in Me does the world have meaning, only out of

Me does the world take form;

only because of Me does the world go forward.

I am the law on which the movement of the stars and

the growth of living cells are founded.

I am the love that is the law's fulfilling.

I am assurance.

I am peace.

I am oneness.

I am the law that you can live by.

I am the love that you can cling to.

I am your assurance.

I am your peace.

I am one with you.

I am.

Though you fail to find Me, I do not fail you.

Though your faith in Me is unsure, My faith in you

never wavers, because I know you, because I love you.

Beloved, I am there.

-James Dillet Freeman

Read your Bible, Pray everyday...

Do you remember that Sunday school song that went:


Read your Bible, pray everyday, pray everyday, pray everyday
Read your Bible, pray everyday and you'll grow grow grow.....


We I'm great about the pray everyday thing. I pray everyday all day... Gods my true BFF so I'm never lonely.

I'm having a hard time finding a quiet moment to focus, meditate and dwell in the Word. I lost my CBS booklet so I haven't been able to do that. I'm trying to read the Bible in chronological order but so far I've only read Chapter 1 of Genesis. I wish I was a morning person, but even if I were; I still don't think I'd beat Abby up. The girls biological clock is set for the 5 o'clock hour rain, or shine. I try and do it during their nap times but the girls are on off schedules right now. Nights are good but I can't seem to focus. So I thought before I set out to tidy the house tonight I'd pick your brains ....I'm trying to grow, grow grow over here so help a sister out.......when do you read your Bibles?

NEW YEAR!

New Year.....new point of view....

I've been doing some deep cleaning this last week. In my house, in my soul, and in my mind. Letting go of all those things that seem to pile up. Finding new ways to organize the insanity and find happiness and peace in the chaos. I have to say my house looks G-R-E-A-T! Jay and I have deep cleaned almost every nook and cranny. It feels good. It's also felt great to have him working right beside me. I couldn't help but feel the shift in him as 2008 wrapped up. He went from striving to be like his super driven bosses, to focusing on our family more. He attended Church with me twice in December. He's asking me about our plans to Home School...oh yes, God is working on him, and there has been a shift. So as we were cleaning out drawers I couldn't help but glance at him and smile because he's clueless to how much this heavy blanket of prayers I have him wrapped in is ACTUALLY warming him up to things...I'm giving 2009 up to our Savior as my steadfast praying wife year. I am claiming His grace for my husband that we may serve Him together by this years end.

On my SIL Leah's blog she wrote down something she herd at a party.

"Everyone keeps saying Happy New Year. It's only a NEW year if we change ourselves and the things that we do. Otherwise, it'll be the same year."

I know this is going to be a great NEW year for me and my house. I have many little things I want to adjust and fine tune, but I only made one New Years resolution: to manage my time better. I loose so much time. I want to be better. A better mom, wife, friend, but most of all servant.

If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
- Philippians 2:1-4 (the message)

I want to serve. My sweet Savior, my family, and my friends. I want to really feel like doing the dishes is a blessing I can give my family. I want to send birthday cards and letters. I want to start my day on my knees in thanks to the God who gives AND takes away. I want to end my day the same way. I want to focus my time on what matters most my "Big Rocks". I keep hearing that same sentiment, and I know it's Gods message to me this year.

A few of my other goals are:

To start reading the Bible in chronological order
To learn all I can about Home Schooling
To get back in shape, and maybe loose a few pounds.
To spend more focused time with Jay
To set up running dates with each of my Big Rocks so I see them more

..there are more....but I think that's a good start....

I was ready for a deep cleaning. The new year just gave me a good starting point... the rest is truly in our Fathers Hands.

(BTW Thanks for sharing that blog with us Joan. She is a gifted writer and an amazing Christian. If you didn't click the link earlier you should check out Holy Experience now )

....I've been meaning to post on Christmas for the last few weeks, but I guess God had other plans hu?

I have a deeply rooted love of December, and all things Christmas related. I love the feeling I get when December first rolls around. I start counting the days to my birthday...tick tock.....then on the 7th (my actual birthday) we ring in Christmas with all the bells and whistles tree trimming brings. By now you all get the point that I'm a fool for a good no pressure tradition. I love the little easy traditions. They make me feel grounded, and focused. One of my favorites is Christmas stories. Every year I buy a new Christmas book, and we gather each night until Christmas and read together. It's very sweet, an exhale moment of sorts for me. Just me and my family wrapped up warm and snug, reading...it's perfect. We start the season of course by picking up the Good Book and reading THE Christmas story.

Man, every year something new strikes me as amazing. This year due to my CBS study I was completely entranced by the Lowly and lofty bloodline our sweet savior was born into. Our sweet Jesus was born into Abraham's family, and Davids family that we all know. But through studying Kings and being blessed with an awesome core group I learned of Rahab. You can read her story in Joshua 2. The short of it is that she was a foreign prostitute, who against all odd chose to follow Gods plan, and was blessed. This lowly fore-mother of our sweet Jesus kept creeping into mind while reading this year. She taught me once again that the awesome God we serve loves us ALL. He pays no heed to our outward appearance, or background because what He seeks is our hearts. She could have never known what God had planned for her when she made the choice to BELIEVE in our Lord, and betray her own people in His service..but He did. Because of her faith, she was blessed. She is one of only 5 women listed in Jesus' bloodline....a gentile, a sinner, and a BELIEVER...wow...our God is a loving, thoughtful, and good God......

But back on my couch we marveled at his humble birth, and enjoyed our nights of reading of Him, and all things Christmas. Another Great story is The Small One this link has the story but no illustrations. If you're interest I could loan it to you because it really is a wonderful perspective.

If anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation. Old things have passed away. Behold, all thing have become new. -2 Cor. 5:17

As we head into this new year I hope you all will remember that like Rahab, and Small One our old selves have been wash away. By His gift of life we are made anew. No matter what the past has held....2009 has a new hope if we seek Him for deliverance.

Let me start this post by lifting my hands and saying

WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!!!!!


Man, He amazes me. Even when I'm a bratty kid, He shows me His love in such amazing ways that I can only stop, bow my head and thank Him. After my last so sad post you are probably wondering where this 360 came from because let's be honest people I was having a horrible case of the doubts. Not of His mercy, grace, or forgiveness- never that, I was just really questioning why His idea of sustaining me and mine were not lining up. I didn't feel like I was asking for too much, but I never knew that he was working on something so much better for me. How could I? He alone knows his plans for us. This was a great lesson of faith and trust for me.

Oh by now I've got you in such suspense hu?? Shall I share my mini miracles with you?

#1: After my umpteenth breakdown over my apparel the hubby and I decided we'd check out a thrift shop, maybe they'd have something, what could it hurt right? Well it was half off day!!!!! I got a trench coat, 2 pairs of Jeans, cargo pants, and 5 shirts.....drum roll please............for $28!! I so needed that, God is good.

#2 On Sunday night we went to the Little Lights Preschool Christmas Pageant. Ok, well we tried to make it to the pageant but we got there right after the performance was done. I was so bummed that we missed the show, but luckily they had a reception afterword so we hadn't made the drive for naught. We stayed and chatted with the home school parents and their families. It was great. The miracle of it all was Jay though. He usually gets a little uncomfortable in those situations when he doesn't know anyone too well. Not last night though! He had a great time, never once asking me when we were leaving! He and Will were talking like they were old friends. It was fun to watch my husband surrounded with Christian men he could relate too. Thank you God for answered prayers.

and last but most certainly not least mini- miracle #3:

I wasn't feeling well this morning when Jay left, mornings are tough for us and by the time He left we were not talking very nicely to each other. He called me around Mid-day to apologize. That in it's self was so sweet, but as we were chatting he dropped an amazing bombshell on me. He told me that if I had the confidence that I could handle all three kids, and homeschooling he'd stand behind me on it. Did you read that ladies and gents? JAY IS UP FOR US HOMESCHOOLING!!!!!!!!! I think seeing all the wonderful normal home schoolers Sunday really helped.This has been so heavy on my heart, and in my prayers. He was so against it, yet my heart whispered to me to keep praying, and pray I did. Look how Mighty our God is. It's not finalized by any means but it's a huge step.

God is working on my husbands heart and I don't think he even realizes it. It's amazing. So once again I lift my hands and say

What a might God we serve.

It seems to me I often post about my triumphs as a Christian. I think I do that to uplift others, Praise my Lord, and remind myself how great it feels when my walk is trusting and faithful. Today is not one of those days.

Let me start today's post by saying something that is true, yet shameful for me....I am mad at God. Today less then yesterday, but still the feeling is lingering. It's not over anything major, nothing we don't all struggle with everyday, but still I am frustrated and mad.

I am tired of having to pinch pennies so tightly. I am upset AJ missed a great opportunity to have something that was just his because my checkbook threatened to bounce like a rubber ball if I wrote one more check. I'm embarrassed that even though Aubree is 7 months old I'm still wearing my not so obvious maternity clothes because I can't afford to go by anything new that fits. Everyday there is something new added to my list of 'next time we have money'.

I am often the Lords champion in these moments for others. I know in my heart that I only have what I do because He has provided it, and that He will continue to sustain me my whole life through. I know He keeps us on a tight reign so that our eyes are ALWAYS focusing on Him. I know all these things, and most days I am so thankful and grateful- but today even knowing all of this I am mad. I hate feeling so ungrateful and mad. It's not in my character. I am the ever optimist. I always look for silver linings and the good in situations. I am going to try and deal with this like I do any frustration, I'm trying to pray it out. If you could do you think you could lift me and my case of the nasties up too. Thank you dear friends in advance for your prayers, and I'm sorry for the long draining vent.

So I had a great weekend. Just what I needed actually...after feeling so spiritually low last week.

The Katina's were awesome! In case you've never herd them they sound like a mix between U2, Cold play, and Maroon 5. Only they are singing to bring all the glory to our sweet Lord! I mentioned on my family blog that Jay went but I'm not sure I accurately conveyed how much having him in church with me meant. I felt so deeply blessed to see this tiny baby step. It meant so much more then just birthday niceness- it was a sign from God that He is working in his heart. He is answering my humble prayers. Jay's heart may not be wide open, but it isn't closed either. Blessed baby steps lead to walking....in his case hopefully with the Lord soon.....but, still I pray.

Then on Monday Joan took me to her women's groups Christmas event. I got to go ALL by MYSELF. This was huge for me. I never get to leave Aubree, Jay usually says he doesn't have boobs so he can't keep her (LOL), but on Monday he did. It was nice to have some real me time to enjoy my friends company. Did I mention yet that I love Joan in this post? If not then there it is. She is my sister, my confidant, and friend. Every moment we get to spend together I cherish.

The Christmas event was so cute! All the husbands were the servers, even escorting us to and from our cars. The pastor and his wife are so friendly, funny and cute. I can never remember the pastors wife's name (can you remind me Joan?) but she's a great speaker. Her message was about the gift that keeps on giving. It talked about Gods gift of His Son Jesus, our sweet Jesus' gift of salvation, and our gift to Him and the world. I wish I had it on tape because there were so many good points and verse I can't seem to recall right now, but I did feel fuller for going. There was one verse she shared with us that resounded in my soul. It was Isaiah 46:4

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

.. who wouldn't loooOOooove that. I will leave you tonight with that beautiful picture of our sweet Savior cupping us in His hands -even as our bodies age and our hairs fade to white, He will carry us; wrinkles, burdens, sadness, joy and all.... it's beautiful......what an awesome God we serve.

PLEASE Join me!!!!!!

Please, please , please... It's free , and it'll be fun! I'm going to go to the Saturday night service. It starts @ 5:27 at Calvary Temple, so I'm going to try and get there by 5:00 so I can get good seats. Worshiping the Lord through their music with me would be an AWESOME way to kick off my birthday! Be there or be square!