....I've been meaning to post on Christmas for the last few weeks, but I guess God had other plans hu?

I have a deeply rooted love of December, and all things Christmas related. I love the feeling I get when December first rolls around. I start counting the days to my birthday...tick tock.....then on the 7th (my actual birthday) we ring in Christmas with all the bells and whistles tree trimming brings. By now you all get the point that I'm a fool for a good no pressure tradition. I love the little easy traditions. They make me feel grounded, and focused. One of my favorites is Christmas stories. Every year I buy a new Christmas book, and we gather each night until Christmas and read together. It's very sweet, an exhale moment of sorts for me. Just me and my family wrapped up warm and snug, reading...it's perfect. We start the season of course by picking up the Good Book and reading THE Christmas story.

Man, every year something new strikes me as amazing. This year due to my CBS study I was completely entranced by the Lowly and lofty bloodline our sweet savior was born into. Our sweet Jesus was born into Abraham's family, and Davids family that we all know. But through studying Kings and being blessed with an awesome core group I learned of Rahab. You can read her story in Joshua 2. The short of it is that she was a foreign prostitute, who against all odd chose to follow Gods plan, and was blessed. This lowly fore-mother of our sweet Jesus kept creeping into mind while reading this year. She taught me once again that the awesome God we serve loves us ALL. He pays no heed to our outward appearance, or background because what He seeks is our hearts. She could have never known what God had planned for her when she made the choice to BELIEVE in our Lord, and betray her own people in His service..but He did. Because of her faith, she was blessed. She is one of only 5 women listed in Jesus' bloodline....a gentile, a sinner, and a BELIEVER...wow...our God is a loving, thoughtful, and good God......

But back on my couch we marveled at his humble birth, and enjoyed our nights of reading of Him, and all things Christmas. Another Great story is The Small One this link has the story but no illustrations. If you're interest I could loan it to you because it really is a wonderful perspective.

If anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation. Old things have passed away. Behold, all thing have become new. -2 Cor. 5:17

As we head into this new year I hope you all will remember that like Rahab, and Small One our old selves have been wash away. By His gift of life we are made anew. No matter what the past has held....2009 has a new hope if we seek Him for deliverance.

Let me start this post by lifting my hands and saying

WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!!!!!


Man, He amazes me. Even when I'm a bratty kid, He shows me His love in such amazing ways that I can only stop, bow my head and thank Him. After my last so sad post you are probably wondering where this 360 came from because let's be honest people I was having a horrible case of the doubts. Not of His mercy, grace, or forgiveness- never that, I was just really questioning why His idea of sustaining me and mine were not lining up. I didn't feel like I was asking for too much, but I never knew that he was working on something so much better for me. How could I? He alone knows his plans for us. This was a great lesson of faith and trust for me.

Oh by now I've got you in such suspense hu?? Shall I share my mini miracles with you?

#1: After my umpteenth breakdown over my apparel the hubby and I decided we'd check out a thrift shop, maybe they'd have something, what could it hurt right? Well it was half off day!!!!! I got a trench coat, 2 pairs of Jeans, cargo pants, and 5 shirts.....drum roll please............for $28!! I so needed that, God is good.

#2 On Sunday night we went to the Little Lights Preschool Christmas Pageant. Ok, well we tried to make it to the pageant but we got there right after the performance was done. I was so bummed that we missed the show, but luckily they had a reception afterword so we hadn't made the drive for naught. We stayed and chatted with the home school parents and their families. It was great. The miracle of it all was Jay though. He usually gets a little uncomfortable in those situations when he doesn't know anyone too well. Not last night though! He had a great time, never once asking me when we were leaving! He and Will were talking like they were old friends. It was fun to watch my husband surrounded with Christian men he could relate too. Thank you God for answered prayers.

and last but most certainly not least mini- miracle #3:

I wasn't feeling well this morning when Jay left, mornings are tough for us and by the time He left we were not talking very nicely to each other. He called me around Mid-day to apologize. That in it's self was so sweet, but as we were chatting he dropped an amazing bombshell on me. He told me that if I had the confidence that I could handle all three kids, and homeschooling he'd stand behind me on it. Did you read that ladies and gents? JAY IS UP FOR US HOMESCHOOLING!!!!!!!!! I think seeing all the wonderful normal home schoolers Sunday really helped.This has been so heavy on my heart, and in my prayers. He was so against it, yet my heart whispered to me to keep praying, and pray I did. Look how Mighty our God is. It's not finalized by any means but it's a huge step.

God is working on my husbands heart and I don't think he even realizes it. It's amazing. So once again I lift my hands and say

What a might God we serve.

It seems to me I often post about my triumphs as a Christian. I think I do that to uplift others, Praise my Lord, and remind myself how great it feels when my walk is trusting and faithful. Today is not one of those days.

Let me start today's post by saying something that is true, yet shameful for me....I am mad at God. Today less then yesterday, but still the feeling is lingering. It's not over anything major, nothing we don't all struggle with everyday, but still I am frustrated and mad.

I am tired of having to pinch pennies so tightly. I am upset AJ missed a great opportunity to have something that was just his because my checkbook threatened to bounce like a rubber ball if I wrote one more check. I'm embarrassed that even though Aubree is 7 months old I'm still wearing my not so obvious maternity clothes because I can't afford to go by anything new that fits. Everyday there is something new added to my list of 'next time we have money'.

I am often the Lords champion in these moments for others. I know in my heart that I only have what I do because He has provided it, and that He will continue to sustain me my whole life through. I know He keeps us on a tight reign so that our eyes are ALWAYS focusing on Him. I know all these things, and most days I am so thankful and grateful- but today even knowing all of this I am mad. I hate feeling so ungrateful and mad. It's not in my character. I am the ever optimist. I always look for silver linings and the good in situations. I am going to try and deal with this like I do any frustration, I'm trying to pray it out. If you could do you think you could lift me and my case of the nasties up too. Thank you dear friends in advance for your prayers, and I'm sorry for the long draining vent.

So I had a great weekend. Just what I needed actually...after feeling so spiritually low last week.

The Katina's were awesome! In case you've never herd them they sound like a mix between U2, Cold play, and Maroon 5. Only they are singing to bring all the glory to our sweet Lord! I mentioned on my family blog that Jay went but I'm not sure I accurately conveyed how much having him in church with me meant. I felt so deeply blessed to see this tiny baby step. It meant so much more then just birthday niceness- it was a sign from God that He is working in his heart. He is answering my humble prayers. Jay's heart may not be wide open, but it isn't closed either. Blessed baby steps lead to walking....in his case hopefully with the Lord soon.....but, still I pray.

Then on Monday Joan took me to her women's groups Christmas event. I got to go ALL by MYSELF. This was huge for me. I never get to leave Aubree, Jay usually says he doesn't have boobs so he can't keep her (LOL), but on Monday he did. It was nice to have some real me time to enjoy my friends company. Did I mention yet that I love Joan in this post? If not then there it is. She is my sister, my confidant, and friend. Every moment we get to spend together I cherish.

The Christmas event was so cute! All the husbands were the servers, even escorting us to and from our cars. The pastor and his wife are so friendly, funny and cute. I can never remember the pastors wife's name (can you remind me Joan?) but she's a great speaker. Her message was about the gift that keeps on giving. It talked about Gods gift of His Son Jesus, our sweet Jesus' gift of salvation, and our gift to Him and the world. I wish I had it on tape because there were so many good points and verse I can't seem to recall right now, but I did feel fuller for going. There was one verse she shared with us that resounded in my soul. It was Isaiah 46:4

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

.. who wouldn't loooOOooove that. I will leave you tonight with that beautiful picture of our sweet Savior cupping us in His hands -even as our bodies age and our hairs fade to white, He will carry us; wrinkles, burdens, sadness, joy and all.... it's beautiful......what an awesome God we serve.

PLEASE Join me!!!!!!

Please, please , please... It's free , and it'll be fun! I'm going to go to the Saturday night service. It starts @ 5:27 at Calvary Temple, so I'm going to try and get there by 5:00 so I can get good seats. Worshiping the Lord through their music with me would be an AWESOME way to kick off my birthday! Be there or be square!

YEAH for Bloggy Sisters!!!!

I hope to see you on my journey, and to be helped on my way
there by you, if first I may enjoy your company for awhile.
-Romans 15:24

I wasn't sure where to post this, so I decided here was as good as any of my other blogs, after all these 3 women are my sisters in Christ. I love how our Daddy works. I know I posted about my blog friends and the constant support and encouragement I've been receiving from them awhile back, but that post didn't even come close to explaining the natural chemistry we had this afternoon when Joan, Nikki, Maritez and I got together for lunch. I've known Joan for what seems like eons now and I met Nikki awhile back through Joan. You see today was THE very first time I ever met Maritez out side of our little Bloggerdom, I was so excited, and a little nervous. I really wanted us to hit it off and become real life friends. I know that might sound silly but I know a lot of people who got on great with people over the Internet but not so much in person. Anyways, it was AWESOME!!!! I adore her. She's so personable, funny, and we are like minded. I love how God works!

I think everyone in the restaurant thought we were nuts but we didn't care. I loved how real it all was. Four God lovin' mommies sitting around having a non stop convo on everything from how we met our hubbies, to our faith, to panties, boobs, and noses laughing our heads off the whole time. I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard. I loved that it really felt like we've all been friends for years. They are truly my sisters and I'm so grateful that God gave us today. I needed a little mommy soul food.

I need to have our next luncheon on the schedule like now, so I have somethings wonderful to look forward to on my not so good days. Hows the 3rd Wednesday next month sound ladies?

It's so funny how right when you are feeling your fullest, you can be drained in an instant. Ok well maybe not an instant but you get the drift. I've had a spiritually dry week. I just haven't felt motivated to get down into the word. I've been holding onto some of my issues; being stubborn, frustrated and mad. I feel like I've been on edge as a mommy, I've just felt so drained.

The sad thing is I know how to feel full. I know if I go to my Daddy, and spend some time giving Him praise for my storms, crying on His shoulders, and seeking His word diligently, and relentlessly daily I feel fan-freaking-tastic. But, still this week I have struggled. I'm shaking my head as I write this because I'm so sad that I felt like I just didn't have time to sort out time with God....what a child. I just have to raise my hands in praise that I am HIS child. So in times like these I know He will still love and forgive me when I finally get it right.

I did BTW, get it right I mean. Tonight I got down in it with Him. Mind you, it was reluctantly at first. I have a dirty house, children to wrangle, a husband to connect with and uplift, Christmas presents to make, the list could go on but you get the point. these have been my excuses for putting the most important thing in my life last all week. In the spirit of honesty I will also admit that I went to his word mainly because tomorrow is CBS and even though I had two weeks to finish one lesson I was behind. To the word I went though, and as always my Daddy spoke to me. Again, I found Him holding my hands and telling me to let go and trust Him. Trust His blessings as truth, Seek His will, and lean on Him to provide. I love this verse:

Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.
1 John 5:14–15

I also found great Truth in this Max Lucado excerpt that was at the end of this weeks study:

Deprive your soul of spiritual water, and your soul will tell you. Dehydrated hearts send desperate messages. Snarling tempers. Waves of worry. Growling mastodons of guilt and fear. You think God wants you to live with these? Hopelessness. Sleeplessness. Loneliness. Resentment. Irritability. Insecurity. These are warnings. Symptoms of a dryness deep within.

That's from his book Come Thirsty. I think I may need to pick that one up this week, and add it to the rotation. I don't like feeling empty. (I'm sure my kids and husband would like a fuller me by now too)

On a high note though I'm really looking forward to both CBS and lunch with my blog sisters tomorrow!!! YIPPEE! I'm sure that will help refresh me.