It seems to me I often post about my triumphs as a Christian. I think I do that to uplift others, Praise my Lord, and remind myself how great it feels when my walk is trusting and faithful. Today is not one of those days.

Let me start today's post by saying something that is true, yet shameful for me....I am mad at God. Today less then yesterday, but still the feeling is lingering. It's not over anything major, nothing we don't all struggle with everyday, but still I am frustrated and mad.

I am tired of having to pinch pennies so tightly. I am upset AJ missed a great opportunity to have something that was just his because my checkbook threatened to bounce like a rubber ball if I wrote one more check. I'm embarrassed that even though Aubree is 7 months old I'm still wearing my not so obvious maternity clothes because I can't afford to go by anything new that fits. Everyday there is something new added to my list of 'next time we have money'.

I am often the Lords champion in these moments for others. I know in my heart that I only have what I do because He has provided it, and that He will continue to sustain me my whole life through. I know He keeps us on a tight reign so that our eyes are ALWAYS focusing on Him. I know all these things, and most days I am so thankful and grateful- but today even knowing all of this I am mad. I hate feeling so ungrateful and mad. It's not in my character. I am the ever optimist. I always look for silver linings and the good in situations. I am going to try and deal with this like I do any frustration, I'm trying to pray it out. If you could do you think you could lift me and my case of the nasties up too. Thank you dear friends in advance for your prayers, and I'm sorry for the long draining vent.