Monday, July 30, 2012

more counting and a thought

ah is it I always seem to stumble back here every August? Why do I let a year pass without visiting my sweet dusty dashboard; holder of my random thoughts and moments worth remembering and soaking in..

Well I could muse on my need to have systems- set moments in life for.....all things I guess, but right now I am happy. I am happy with life, and the craziness of it all. I think I may even be embracing the "goodness" that Christ sees while wrestling with the fact that sin for now IS. This world will not be perfect until my Lord says its I must see the graces and the goodness he has laid out for me. It feels funny to start at 102, as though I have gone a whole year without noting or count or noticing....that is far from true I have lived IN those graces and yet for constancy....

102. Happy swimmers sloshing around
103. songs made up in worship, sung from the depths of her soul
104. running....and remembering I am His image bearer
105. recognizing a Husbands love
106. LIFE....
107. a cold Arnold Palmer
108. Tomato basil Jam
109. a cuddly dog
110. the blue of the sky
111. free bookshelves and a functional school room
112. the excitement to begin again
113. bike riding babies
114. a wiggly tooth
115. the contrast of orange and purple blooms
116. the view from my window

.....I could keep going but I think I will rest there.

I've been feeling called to talk about something, something my heart guards close. I think the Lord not only wants it spoken but for me to do it on Facebook. To BE HIS FORGIVEN DAUGHTER on facebook, not just here in the quiet but out loud. I feel scared, I know it will make me vulnerable. My only pause is the quiet thought that it might NOT be Him calling me but the condemnation surfacing... I'm praying for wisdom..

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Grace Upon Grace

Oh where does time go? How do I let the days of counting slip through my fingers, the moments to remember and give thanks get lost at the bottom of the laundry basket along with the socks.....why do I find it so hard to STAY present with my Lord? To see that life is all His making and all very good if filtered through Him and his Word?

The only reason I can grasp is that I am dust, and His Grace upon amazing Grace is that His very Word reminds me that He remembers He formed us from dust......ah ha. He knows I'm a dusty mess and loves me anyway......Grace, upon Grace.

so to the counting.....

91. a new school year begun

92. a new place of fellowship, that values both wisdom and the Gospel....I bathe in his Grace

93. A community, and family, a sisterhood that see through me, to the real me.

94. Knowing the Guide, as I let go of the need for guidance.....just walk WITH me Lord, let the fog roll as it may.

95. Tomato plants reaching the sky, and dripping in red sugar.

96. loud giggles

97. first narrations

98. musings from a three year old about how red is really NOT golden.

99. music that last generations and still causes tears to rise

100. lively chickens

101. all the Promises that contain His power if I just have Faith and Hope in His Love.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

some catching up todo...

I have sick children and really needed a reminder of my place, my blessings as I am growing impatient and weary myself. Here is all I needed to remember:

36. A halo of light

37. cotton puff clouds

38. hula hoop

39. running hugs

40. opening the door to the smell of slow cooked goodness

41. 3 flowers blooming reminds of 3 children growing and finding their way

42. Neck wrapping warmth

43. Smiling spellers

44. Pull back racers created with love

45. Whirling colors

46. Robins egg skies

47. Bursts of Lavender braking traffics monotony

48. Warm eggs supported by smiling sheep

49. Twinkling eyes

50. Unexpected soul gifts

51. heaven breath though the long grass

52. Fields of yellow

53. Trees lovingly covered in soft burst of color- ruffles of life unfurling

54. Sproutlings; fresh and green

55. A quiet soul boon, I rouse

56. boisterous booming joyful bass voice- hidden, discovered, and wonderfully uncomfortable at times

57. the big-little, little-big In life, in relationships, in shared chins

58. pile of black gold

59. the feeling in the air -tender, soothing- is this His peace that passes understanding? Breath of new hope.

60. His loving mercy on a stubborn 81 year old- time left to know Him yet because He wants that non should parish so He allows her time to terry....

61. understanding the cost of EACH blowup is ALWAYS too great, His grace to cover when I loose it anyway

62. sprouts

66. an empty dumpster full...willing hands working in love

67. the word a 4 year olds version of the doxology

68. Children screaming BIBLE so loud my ears ring

69. Sharing my way of life with SO many amazing families, doing our best at Living the Titus 2 way

70. A night of praise

71. Bodies strong enough to fight sickness

72. Warm babies to snuggle- even if it's fever induced

73. a husbands understanding that the most important things DO get done daily

74. the excitement of a fresh reader

75. The vocabulary of thanks becoming common off their tongues and mine

76. kids that match in clothing and demeanor

77. gnomes

78. movie nights, and warm fires

79. mid afternoon coffee, a jolt to strive on

80. serving...humbly, honestly

81. Books that change things

82. Words that never return void.

83. a tidy house

84. fresh breeze

85. glasses fixed

86. Radishes nearing the first harvest

87. fire engine red dining chairs

88. a finger puppet show

89. a ring to remind, Be Anxious of NOTHING... life is NOT an emergency

90. fresh hatching's nestled into their mother

...and there in the list He's met me again....restored by His blessing, humbled in thanksgiving.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

a list of 10....

26. words finally spoken

27. the thought of my own rainbow making chickens

28. the smell of fresh brewed coffee

29. sun beams through wisps of hair

30. living in a time when 30 miles isn't very far at all

31. Happy eyes

32. knowing I'm not only saved through Grace but JUSTIFIED.....forgiven+restored.

33. Pink blossoms on trees

34. girl-scout cookies, and COLD milk

35. made up mama, and God...filled with silliness and Truth.

Thank you Lord, for eyes WIDE open.

Monday, February 21, 2011

The Bounty of Just Enough....

How many times have I opened my fridge and moaned?
How many times have I said I was broke, flat can even buy gas broke?
How many times have my eyes glazed over, as I held gratitude captive and invited envy in, and sat down to a too full plate with greed?

How often have I missed the blessing of Just Enough?

More times then I can count money has run tight, the fridge and the cupboards so stark they look more like a cavern of white, and for a moment I forget to breath.

Oh, I've had to lean heavy on the bounty of just enough.

Like a parade, one roasted chicken stretches into 3 meals. I find fresh air, and inhale. Children giggle; happy and content with what they find here- both tangible and not, and my God promising....I will provide.....I will bless......with the bounty and over abundance of Just Enough. I can see the fullness here. In this moment there is bounty.

He promises this to me as an unseen blessing, as a love offering because He, my maker knows.....too much makes my eyes wavier, makes my stomach hunger for things untasted, makes my wits and soul song dim. When I am full by the worlds standards I forget the blessing of breath, I forget that I'm always going to be uncomfortable here, because this world is not my home. I stop longing for home.

I forget my need of HIM,
I forget my thanksgiving,
I forget the mini-miracles,
the MANY gifts:

21. sunlight bent through rounded glass

22. perspective, and watching it shift towards Grace....fullness....

23. children hiking a snow topped mountain

24. chubby toes, small brightly colored nails

25. seeing that just enough is a keep your eyes on ME love offering, not a withholding.

...Just enough.....

To see grace, to be filled, to be free.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Would you dare to Believe?

I was so blessed by the Matthew West concert! God always meets us just where we are, surrounded by JUST the people we should share each moment with. People who can understand your heart, and see small blessings. People who you can cry for as they sit just as exposed as you....lumps of clay battered by the harsh elements in this world....but His water restores....shapes.......

Would you dare to believe? Would I dare to believe?

The opener was Josh Wilson....and he sang.....

...My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture.....

in blessings....

11. A snow dusted mountain view from my own backyard

12. Tortilla wrapped goodness that filled my belly, with a side of friendship that filled my soul.

13. Soft inviting cheeks that wiggle when mama is uttered in baby talk that lingers even as 3 is approaching.

14. The thought that tending anything takes patience and sweat to see growth, and toil as we may the final fruit comes only by Gods hand.

15. Fresh turned soil on a sunny day.

16. Bits of paper love spread about in a prism of colors and shapes ( how have I missed the goodness in this perseverance and tiny love offerings?!?)

17. An arm offered for comfort- first steps.

18. Laughter! Oh the splendor of variation and sound! Giddy, goofy, boisterous, contagious, snorting, even silent found only in the twinkling of the eyes- all so beautiful fluid and life filling.

19. Long dark eyelashes batting, pulling, suckering me in

20. A wisp of weeds left for a ladybug haven and spot hunting and the squeals of joy as spots are counted. "A Six spotter mom!!!"

.....Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory....

Friday, February 18, 2011

Five in the midst....

Oh today has been rocky....motherhood battles for of those days when you feel like you are standing at arms against your charges rather the WITH and FOR them. Blessedly I know the truth- I am gate-keeper, I am on watch, I will not back down.....

so here are my five for the day so far in the midst of chaos, but my guess is God in His goodness will give me more as the day settles....

6. Hot cocoa on cold days....warms little cool hearts as well as bellies

7. The privilege to Home school my children- which on days like today means the opportunity to educate and train their hearts as well as minds.

8. PRAYER- it's power, its healing, it's direct connect to my Savior and life source

9. My new to-do list rules- No more then 10 things in a day to focus on, pick 3 Most Important Things- be satisfied if those 3 get done, even if the other 7 don't. Leave room for life and the wonderful people who you choose to fill it with.

10. MATTHEW WEST! tonight I get to unwind with a few of my closest friends and praise my maker....after this week of motherhood trench work, after FINALLY seeing the blessings in all of life.....I can't wait to lift my hands to my maker as my spirit bows low....