I'm Listening

This year I think my hearing has improved....or maybe, just maybe I have learned to listen.

I'm a talker by nature. I want to show people I empathize with them and feel where they are coming from. So I talk, often when I feel like I should just shut up and listen. If I have ever done this to you- please forgive me and know that it helps me process your words by talking, so I do hear you. Still, I need to accept the quiet and listen.

I know this is true because this year God has been talking to me. Maybe this is not a new thing, maybe my self-talk has always drowned him out before, maybe I didn't see the message so neatly packaged. I don't know what hindered me in the past, but I do know that it was just that- the past.

Now I see Him in my daily life. I hear His words of affirmation and I am grateful. I follow His lead.

I have always struggled with my anger in parenting, and in life. So God gives me Psalms 86:15 to cling too. He also sends these wonderful Non-tutorials, and further encouragement my way ALL THE time. I want to be that parent....last night I chose the still small voice of patience, over my old BF anger...the look in my child's eyes said volumes.

I pray and stress over my marriage not being "equally yolked" all the time. I mentioned it in CBS yesterday and the WONDERFUL women in my core group immediately gave me these verses....

1 Peter 3:1-4

1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

1 Corinthians 7:13-14

And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

....yes Lord I am listening. Thank You for Your grace, love and mercy. Thank You for calming my heart. I am a changed being, and I am listening.

God is using Ann Voskamp @Holy Experience in a HUGE way in my life right now. So all the links I added today are from her page.

Prayer

...ok so I'm about to be a little mysterious BUT I need your help all the same.

Will you pray for God to guide Jay and I. We have an important decision to make together and I want it to be God led. Once we make a decision I will share the fruits of your prayers....

Thank you dear friends!

God has a sense of humor

.....I'm having a total LOL moment right now.....who ever said God doesn't have a sense of humor? Ok, let me explain....

The last week I've been getting up at (gasp) 6 am. Now I know for most people this is a mundane event, but for me it was like God moving a mountain. I have always hated mornings. My favorite animal is an owl...need I say more?

Well for the past few days I have been feeling like 6 just isn't early enough, but the thought of anything earlier was just too overwhelming to me. I kept trying to head talk my way into sleeping more. I kept ignoring the earlier alarm clock. So yesterday I prayed for his guidance on the issue. I needed His affirmation, after all getting up at 6 had assured I get my day started in Him and His word. I just had a few other things I wanted to check off my day before things got to awake and hectic around here. Well this morning God showed me His sense of humor.

...I wake up to a sweet baby screaming bloody murder. I go to her and see tears streaming down her sweet chunky cheeks. She has just started doing two things. Sleeping completely through the night (can I get an amen), and refusing to nurse. See normally I'd cradle her in my arms and nurse her; lulling us both back to sleep. Now I have to warm a bottle, prepare it, feed her, wash the bottle, and finally pump to refill my stash... whew! It's a lot of work. Would you like to know what time this all occurred? 5 am..... Oh yes, he does answer prayers with a sense of humor. By 5:15 she was blissfully back asleep. I put on a pot of coffee, pumped and prayed.

By the time I finished my CBS study for today I was fully awake with a case of the giggles.

God has taken this night owl and made an early bird. You know the saying the early bird gets the worm? Well my worms are bits of assurances, and knowledge. Fuel for my day. Things I wouldn't be able to focus on in the busy hustle and bustle of raising a family.. an inner peace that I can greet my family with when they wake up. I am a better woman, wife and mother when I can start my day grounded in the word- praying for His hand to guide me, and His presence to be known.
I thought this weeks CBS verse was funny too. Not in a real haha way but in that God is so good way. It's psalms 86:15

But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

That's what I want for my life. I want to be that parent too. I just finished reading Love and Logic the early years ( I have been practicing the L&L parenting style for some time now) and it made me laugh when I realized God uses the L&L technique with us!

What a fun way to start my morning....laughing with my Savior, I think today can only get better from here.

an early bird?

...here, right now it is 6 am. For the VERY first time this year I am up as I planned. My CBS study is done for the day, I have spent time in prayerful communion with my Savior, and I have won a small battle. Yesterday I was tested, but my resolve is firm...I will not be shaken, I will keep walking- one step, two steps closer to Jesus. I could feel your prayers leading me along, helping me recall which foot needed to move next- closer still. He has cradled me in His hands. He has promised me much and I know he will deliver if I remain focused on Him....if I can be patient .

Patient with His will, and patient with the everyday. That was my lesson. Stop focusing on what is. Without my sweet savior none of it will ever make sense. I must be patient and He will make His will known. He was, and IS, and Will be....He is my everything. Without Him I have nothing. So I must wait and listen. I must learn to be patient.... that's going to be a hard one. But, with God all things are possible right?

Thank you for your continued prayers and know that I am lifting you up too. We are in trying times and we need all the prayers and support we can get.

Thank you Father for revealing yourself to me. Please change my outlook- Help me to be more patient in all I do. I know that You will help us, You will sustain us- even cause us to prosper. You will always keep your word even if the way seems so unclear to me. Please direct my day and let my light shine as a beacon to You. help me to change so that I may bear witness to Your greatness. I love you. Amen.

Overwhelmed by the ordinary

Today the ordinary is bogging me down. I feel so overwhelmed. So here I am, coming to you all and requesting prayer. I don't want to be a burden, but if you could pray that the Lord will grant me His peace that would be awesome. I know that he will take care of everything. I stated before that I think this year is going to be pivotal in the faith and lives of my family. As I am steadfast in prayer, I also know the enemy is trying to derail my efforts, and confuse my mind. These struggles are his doing, these feelings are of him, NOT my sweet Jesus. I know that and yet....please pray for me.

This song brought me to tears in the car today (it's in my playlist, if you haven't herd it):

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

I am claiming this song, Isaiah 46:4 and Jeremiah 29:11 today...

...He will help me, He will sustain me, He will rescue me, He will give me hope.... of these confidences I pray.

Bible Questions

First Thanks Girls for all your suggestions about when you read, and reassurances that He will honor my efforts.

I've been saved for so long, but over the last 3 years I've been striving to understand him more deeply. I'm asking you to hold my hand and lift me up. Never before have I had the yearning to pursue Him so passionately, and it's making me feel vulnerable. I know I posted before about what your support and prayers mean to me, but I'd like to reiterate now that I am SO thankful to have your brains to pick, and words to chew on.

Finally I'd like to offer up a question for those of you who may be more versed in the word then I am. When doing my chronological reading this morning I came across this passage:

Genesis 6

1And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them,2That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose. 3And the LORD said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years.4There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.

....am I reading this right? Because I've never noticed this before. Is this referring to fallen angels or something else?

I thought angels are supposed to be androgynous.

...any thoughts you might have would be awesome. Thanks dear ones!

I am there

I "borrowed" this from someone who is like a sister to me. She keeps her blog private, and her personal life the same so I won't share her info. BUT, I will tell you that she is a wonderful source of encouragement to me. She's a wonderful mom, friend, and Christian and I feel blessed to be held close to her heart....and reminded that HE holds us close as well......

I Am There

Do you need Me?

I am there.

You cannot see Me, yet I am the light you see by.

You cannot hear Me, yet I speak through your voice.

You cannot feel Me, yet I am the power at work in your hands.

I am at work, though you do not understand My ways.

I am at work, though you do not recognize My works.

I am not strange visions. I am not mysteries.

Only in absolute stillness, beyond self, can you know

Me as I am, and then but as a feeling and a faith.

Yet I am there. Yet I hear. Yet I answer.

When you need Me, I am there.

Even if you deny Me, I am there.

Even when you feel most alone, I am there.

Even in your fears, I am there.

Even in your pain, I am there.

I am there when you pray and when you do not pray.

I am in you, and you are in Me.

Only in your mind can you feel separate from Me, for

only in your mind are the mists of "yours" and "mine."

Yet only with your mind can you know Me and experience Me.

Empty your heart of empty fears.

When you get yourself out of the way, I am there.

You can of yourself do nothing, but I can do all.

And I am in all.

Though you may not see the good, good is there, for I am there.

I am there because I have to be, because I am.

Only in Me does the world have meaning, only out of

Me does the world take form;

only because of Me does the world go forward.

I am the law on which the movement of the stars and

the growth of living cells are founded.

I am the love that is the law's fulfilling.

I am assurance.

I am peace.

I am oneness.

I am the law that you can live by.

I am the love that you can cling to.

I am your assurance.

I am your peace.

I am one with you.

I am.

Though you fail to find Me, I do not fail you.

Though your faith in Me is unsure, My faith in you

never wavers, because I know you, because I love you.

Beloved, I am there.

-James Dillet Freeman

Read your Bible, Pray everyday...

Do you remember that Sunday school song that went:


Read your Bible, pray everyday, pray everyday, pray everyday
Read your Bible, pray everyday and you'll grow grow grow.....


We I'm great about the pray everyday thing. I pray everyday all day... Gods my true BFF so I'm never lonely.

I'm having a hard time finding a quiet moment to focus, meditate and dwell in the Word. I lost my CBS booklet so I haven't been able to do that. I'm trying to read the Bible in chronological order but so far I've only read Chapter 1 of Genesis. I wish I was a morning person, but even if I were; I still don't think I'd beat Abby up. The girls biological clock is set for the 5 o'clock hour rain, or shine. I try and do it during their nap times but the girls are on off schedules right now. Nights are good but I can't seem to focus. So I thought before I set out to tidy the house tonight I'd pick your brains ....I'm trying to grow, grow grow over here so help a sister out.......when do you read your Bibles?

NEW YEAR!

New Year.....new point of view....

I've been doing some deep cleaning this last week. In my house, in my soul, and in my mind. Letting go of all those things that seem to pile up. Finding new ways to organize the insanity and find happiness and peace in the chaos. I have to say my house looks G-R-E-A-T! Jay and I have deep cleaned almost every nook and cranny. It feels good. It's also felt great to have him working right beside me. I couldn't help but feel the shift in him as 2008 wrapped up. He went from striving to be like his super driven bosses, to focusing on our family more. He attended Church with me twice in December. He's asking me about our plans to Home School...oh yes, God is working on him, and there has been a shift. So as we were cleaning out drawers I couldn't help but glance at him and smile because he's clueless to how much this heavy blanket of prayers I have him wrapped in is ACTUALLY warming him up to things...I'm giving 2009 up to our Savior as my steadfast praying wife year. I am claiming His grace for my husband that we may serve Him together by this years end.

On my SIL Leah's blog she wrote down something she herd at a party.

"Everyone keeps saying Happy New Year. It's only a NEW year if we change ourselves and the things that we do. Otherwise, it'll be the same year."

I know this is going to be a great NEW year for me and my house. I have many little things I want to adjust and fine tune, but I only made one New Years resolution: to manage my time better. I loose so much time. I want to be better. A better mom, wife, friend, but most of all servant.

If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
- Philippians 2:1-4 (the message)

I want to serve. My sweet Savior, my family, and my friends. I want to really feel like doing the dishes is a blessing I can give my family. I want to send birthday cards and letters. I want to start my day on my knees in thanks to the God who gives AND takes away. I want to end my day the same way. I want to focus my time on what matters most my "Big Rocks". I keep hearing that same sentiment, and I know it's Gods message to me this year.

A few of my other goals are:

To start reading the Bible in chronological order
To learn all I can about Home Schooling
To get back in shape, and maybe loose a few pounds.
To spend more focused time with Jay
To set up running dates with each of my Big Rocks so I see them more

..there are more....but I think that's a good start....

I was ready for a deep cleaning. The new year just gave me a good starting point... the rest is truly in our Fathers Hands.

(BTW Thanks for sharing that blog with us Joan. She is a gifted writer and an amazing Christian. If you didn't click the link earlier you should check out Holy Experience now )