I know I've been quiet here in bloggyland. I'm going to try and work it back into my schedule. The thing is I've really had to reassess my priorities, and my goals. I love blogging, but I also know I have a tenancy toward additive/obsessive behavior. So I've stepped back. From the Internet, the TV, the phone. I've removed a lot of the auxiliary distractions so I can focus my life on what I feel is it's purpose; Real authentic relationships.
First, with my sweet Savior who shows me his Mercy and astounding Grace daily. I have always chatted with Him. I've never been good at the pretty prayers. Our talks are much more conversational. I used to feel like that was wrong. If only I could focus better, study more, and speak more eloquently...if only. I have never liked praying out loud for that reason. Then while reading The Shack He gave me such a breath of fresh air. I felt such peace. He's my Savior, my Daddy, My Friend- my everything OF COURSE I can chat with Him. He wants a real meat and potatoes relationship with each of us.... rambling covos and all. He is my primary focus.
Then with my husband. There are many parts of our relationship that are growing and flourishing like all the lovely flowers this time of year. When I decided to be the wife God ordained me to be and step out of that place of control God really did step in. In so many ways we are stronger. My husbands faith is growing stronger as he tries to fully wrap his mind around the beautiful life changing concept of Grace. I'm loving every moment of his growth, but that doesn't mean that the issues we have as a couple just disappear. Some weeds it seems have very deep roots. But spring is here. In reality and in my soul so I'm doing some gardening. This takes time, time I would usually devote to my blog.
Next of course is my relationship with my children. When deciding to home school I didn't really realize how deeply it would change me. Through all my studying and preparations for this fall I have discovered that there are a few fundamental truths I had been ignoring. I think I've been a good mother- actually I pride myself on that fact BUT there is always room for improvement. My children are not people to be that I must control, and form with my own plan and labor.I don't always need to fret about the "man or woman" they will become. They are fully themselves and people just like I am now.I don't need to form them; God did that work- and He only creates masterpieces. If I truly believe that they are full of untold potential and capable of processing their own knowledge then I am not smarter or better then them just because I'm an adult. They crave knowledge and experience. That is what separates the adult from the child. Yelling doesn't give them either of those things, but fully authentic engaged relationships do. I'm not saying I was a checked out mom, but at times I've felt too overwhelmed to function. The thing is, that now that I see them in this new light of seekers of knowledge and experience things aren't so daunting. When Joan asked me where I've been I told her living, because that's where I am. Here in the moment living, enjoying my children, and loving almost every minute of it.
Finally, there is my relationship with all of you. My friends, my Sisters, my unknown readers. I want to be a great authentic friend and servant to you. I want to pray for your needs, and help where I can. I want us to grow both in our faith and our friendship. These times are scary. I want us to think of Christ as our bon fire. He will keep us warm as we sit focused on Him and wrapping each other tightly in blankets of prayer. Our unified praise will feed His presence. His light will be all we see, His grace and mercy will taste sweeter then marsh mellows ever could. But to enjoy this kind of moment I know I have to find a place to block the city lights and distractions.
So there you have it. To this purpose I have been MIA. I am seeking deeper relationships in living. In the here and now. They call it the present because it truly is a gift. Here is when my God works, here is where my marriage and family grow, and right now is when I'm reaching out my hand to you. Please pray for me in this endeavor and lifestyle adjustment. I am seeking balance over obsession. Thank you all, and hopefully it won't be too long before we chat again.
