Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls for he has no one to help him up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Man, This verse is ringing so true in my ear this evening. For a large majority of my Christian walk I've walked without strong support. Well, let me rephrase that: I've walked without much encouraging support. My SIL, the amazing Leah May (whom I will some day devote an entire post to) is one of the few exceptions to this rule.
As I walked it was easy for me to stumble- it's always easy to stumble. My problem was I didn't have very many people to lift me up and encourage me on. Need a hand? Right foot, now left, closer and closer to Jesus. I just sort of sat there stunned that I had tripped, until I realized it was time to get walking again.
Over the last few years God has been working on me though. I keep meeting these awesome Christians! A great example is my dear friend Joan. I've known her for years. I first met her through Gymboree (you would not believe how many of my cherished relationships began there) I was her daughters teacher. We never talked about our Faith, but we were friendly, and I ALWAYS liked her. If you saw her smile you'd like her too. Anyways, time walked on. She started teaching there too and we grew closer. Our lives are often sooOOOOoo parallel it's almost scary. Unless of course you know what I do- that my sweet God works in wonderful mysterious ways. It wasn't until about 2 years ago I guess, that I found out she too was a Christian. I remember feeling so tickled. I felt so blessed, that through the storm He had given me this. Fast forward to today- the here and now.
Through Joan and blogging, I've been so deeply blessed. Just tonight I read two of my friends blogs- now these are wonderful women I met through Joan. Ok, in Maritez case I have not yet met but hope to soon.- and both of them resounded in my soul. They both, as they so often do, dealt with things I've been struggling with. Those blogs swept me off my feet- right foot, left foot.....they encouraged me and lifted me up. I just feel so blessed. For these women and the countless others that are now apart of my life.
I am never alone. I know that deep down in my soul. My sweet Jesus will never leave or forsake me. Just look what he's doing all around me. He knows what the support and friendship of fellow believers mean to me, and now my cup is running over. Weather the people know it or not He is using them in my life in a big way. His design is so well woven. I love that about Him, actually I just love Him.

Find us faithful

Oh, may all who come behind us find us faithful.
May the fire of our devotion light their way.
May the footprints that we leave lead them to believe,
And the lives we live inspire them to obey.
Oh, may all who come behind us find us faithful
-Jon Mohr

Through studying Kings in CBS I'm learning so much about the kind of Christian I want to be. I want to be so much braver in my faith. I want those that see me in my day to day life to have NO DOUBT that I am faithful to my Lord, my God. I want my heart to sing His praise like his beloved Davids did.

I love that David was such a flawed man, but he is among the most honored people in the Bible. His heart was ALWAYS on God. Always seeking His truth, His help, His guidance, and most of all His Forgiveness when he stumbled. His heart's desire was to serve God... and yet like all of us he was human, he was a sinner. He messed up all the time, in BIG ways, but God knew his heart. He loved him in spite of himself, and always forgave him when he repented. Because of his faithfulness to the Lord his family was blessed- even when they did not deserve to be.

I so often stumble, only seeing that one set of foot prints in the sand. I want to be more steadfast, more faithful, and trusting. I want my Children to see me laying all my worries and fears at His feet, and begging Him to carry me when I feel weak. I want them to see that when there are only one set of foot prints it MUST be Gods, because He is ever faithful to carry us through. I want them to have that kind of spiritual legacy to lean on.

Yet today my heart aches. I want so much for my husband to desire this for our family too. He's been hurt so much through people of "faith" that he's given up. He supports my journey, but he's just along for the ride. Now more then ever I hope that by seeing me remaining faithful, and seeking Gods peace he will be moved to find his way back home into his Fathers arms.

This is so heavy on my heart today. Please lift my husband up in prayer so that he can be the head of our spiritual household as well as our earthly one. Pray that Gods Will will be served, and as a family we can stand Steadfast, and Faithful.

I'M A CHRISTIAN By Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."
I'm whispering "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.

....man this is so me!!!

Thank you God for loving me, and FORGIVING me. I love you. Amen

Recently I've realize how often I use the Lords name in vain. Upon realizing it, I was struck with sadness. I need to change this. So I have once again banned the use of His name as a filler word from my vocabulary. I'm done trivialize Him, and that's what using His name out of context does. It has desensitized us all to His might and power, and in essence to His holiness. I want my children to hear His name and be moved by it's power, and by His grace. Not to hear it and wonder what just ticked mom off, or shocked her. Please pray for me in this endeavor, you'd be surprised how often I catch it almost coming out of my mouth. I know that I am a stronger christian woman with you all lifting me up in prayer then I could ever be alone.

another song that's been running through my head.....

P.s. this must be sung with your hands lifted high, and your heart wide open....

Thank You Lord
by Paul Baloche | from the album A Greater Song

Verse 1:
I come before You today, and there's just one thing that I want to say
Thank You, Lord, thank You, Lord For all You've given to me, for all the blessings that I cannot see
Thank You, Lord, thank You, Lord
With a grateful heart, with a song of praise, With an outstretched arm I'll bless Your Name and

Chorus:
Thank You, Lord, I just want to thank You, Lord (repeat)

Verse 2:
For all You've done in my life, You took my darkness and gave me Your light
Thank You, Lord, thank You, Lord
You took my sin and my shame, You took my sickness and heal all my pain
With a grateful heart, with a song of praise With an outstretched arm I'll bless Your Name and
Thank You, Lord, thank You, Lord

Coda:
With a grateful heart, with a song of praise
With an outstretched arm I'll bless Your Name and

.....yes, Thank you my sweet, sweet Lord!

He is good.


All the time, all the time He is good.

Today I thought I'd share about my stroller.

I've been dying to get a double stroller for the girls. Lately I've been walking a lot. Although I adore baby wearing, it's just not the best for longer walks. I also think Bree would love to see more of the world now, then just me. So the hunt was on. I'd been searching for a while. Then my dear friend Heather gave me a coupon for BRU and I thought "great!!!" Well after spending over an hour there trying out strollers, not getting any help, and comparing price tags I came to the conclusion that I was thoroughly overwhelmed. I apologized to my husband for wasting a drive to brentwood and an hour of our sweet family time, as asked if he'd mind if we left.

See I know $100plus dollars isn't really too bad for a good stroller; but when you are a family of 5 on a single income even that is an amount to get you sweating. I just couldn't bring myself to commit. I now know that that's because God had a surprise waiting for me. Check this out:






This last weekend we scored this Peg Perego Aria twin for just $40 at a garage sale! I was floored. Secretly a had wanted it, but I never would have dreamed of spending the $329 it costs new. Don't you love how my Daddy spoils me? I sure do. If you let him, He'll spoil you too!

The girls love it. Abby loves sitting with her Aubree. She's always reaching over and checking on her, it's sweet. I'll try and remember to take a picture to show you all.

Our God surly will ALWAYS supply all our needs.

a word on my journey to this point.....

I've been feeling the need to put this all on paper lately. It's my testimony of sorts, or maybe my epiphany, or I don't know. I need to tell you about my faith. This will be a long ride so strap in.

A few of you know my whole story, many do not. For tonight I think we will keep it that way so I can focus on my spiritual journey, not my physical one.

From about the age of ohhh 6 I was raised a Christian. That foundation truly saved my life. The bible verses that are ingrained in my soul are predominately the ones I learned in my childhood- often set to music, many I sing to my own children now. I was born again, as we say, at a very young age. Now I know how lucky I was, and am still; but for most of my life I really took it all forgranted. At that time my parents were really into all the rules that religion brings to Christianity.

...Let me stop here for a moment- I believe there are many types of Christians, so if you like all the rules and regulations please don't be offended. I will never presume to judge your relationship with our Creator, I'm just happy you have one...

Anyway, they had so many, often times insane notions of what it took to be good Christian. It all grew very tiresome to me. It all got lost in translation I guess. All I know is that by the time I was 14(of course right??) I was done with it. No more church choir, or plays. I'd go to Sunday school and youth group but that was to see my friends, not to be closer to Jesus. I wanted nothing much to do with my parents God, I was as they say- so over it.

It's no wonder that I moved out of my parents house halfway through my sophomore year of high school. I got so involved with my boyfriend, he was my life, and as much as I hate to think of it now, he was my idol. I was running as far and as fast as I could away from any concept of God. I never went so far to believe that he didn't exist, but at the time I was damn sure He didn't care a lick for me. I thought I had been abandoned by everyone I ever loved, so before I gave Him the chance to leave I gave up on Him. I'm so sad I didn't know Him like I do now. I don't let regrets rule me, but when I think of the girl I was during that time it makes me sad. I hurt. Yes, that sums it up, I hurt- Everyone, everything, most of all myself. I hurt.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart. -Psalms 34.:18a

I wondered like this for sometime. Even after I began picking up the pieces of my life. I was still lost. My soul ached. I thought about seeking other gods, I tried filling myself up with earthly things, earthly loves, but still I ached. By this point I was dating Jay. Something about him was so calming to my soul. I felt safe. I know I didn't get into the details of my childhood too much, but I will say that safe was a fairly awkward idea for me. Now as I look back at it I can see Gods design so clearly in my relationship with my husband. Jay loves me just as I am; yesterday, today, and I have no doubt tomorrow. He loves me. It took a human man to open my eyes to that concept before I could remember that my sweet Jesus had always loved me.

So there I was being loved by an amazing man, putting my earthly life in order, feeling empty. I thought about God often and pushed him aside. Sorry buddy, been there tried that, all I will do is disappoint you, and anyway my life is doing just fine now...well except for that longing when I'm alone. Ok, and my fears, worry, and well...now's not the time go away.....I got this.
Yes, we had conversations like that a lot, and life when on.
Right when I thought I had it all solved (on my own no less) I got pregnant with AJ. I saw my life crumbling (what a sad silly girl I was to see my greatest blessing this way). My plans to go away for school- gone. This guy I loved what would he do? How could I do this! How could YOU do this to me God.( ....hmmmm... where did that come from.) I began talking to Him more. At first just in acusations, but the more we talked, the more I grew to miss Him. I know it sounds funny but I don't know when I fell in love with God, but I do know it happened. One day I knew it. I NEEDED him.


How gracious he will be when you cry for help. -Isaiah 30:19

I got down on my knees, preganant belly and all, cried, and begged him to love me too. I knew he did, I didn't understand how but I knew he did. I asked for his forgiveness for abanding him and in that same breath I told him I didn't know how this would work. I was sure I would disappoint him. Then he reviled the greatest truth to me. Just like the child I was myself caring. he was MY Daddy. He had always loved me. When I turned from him it hurt him, but still he loved me. The impact of that was life altering. I could have a relationship with Him. A real relationship. He knew I wasn't perfect....like a ton of bricks it hit me....Of course He did! He sent his own son to die for me because of it. He loved me anyways.

I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. -Proverbs 8:17

That was it for me. I saw it for truth. I have a relationship with my sweet Jesus. Do I falter; sometimes. My walk has not always been steady since that day in 2001. But I have never again forgotten His love for me, and once I realize my missteps I do my best to sync up with Him again.

Do I find some idea's of modern Christianity tough; I do. I don't judge others for their paths. I feel like God has gifted me to acceptance. No, not of all things, but of differences. I'll let you know I'm a Christian, and if you're not, well then I'll be praying for you and showing you what my sweet Jesus can do. I'm not the type to try and save the world. But my actions will speak for me.

Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven -Luke 6:37

I will live in a way that's pleasing for Him. I will teach my children to chat with Him, to run to Him when they are afraid, to love Him, to trust Him, to stand on His truth, and to accept Him as their own personal Savior. I will be relentless as I seek Him. I will try to understand the misunderstood. I will trust Him. I will love Him.

Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God -Ephesians 3:17-19

This song has been running through my head all day. So I decided that ment God wanted me to share it with you. I hope it speaks to your soul as it has always spoken to mine.

watch it on Youtube here

This video isn't the original artist, the lyrics are by Tommy Walker and follow.

When I Don’t Know What To Do
Tommy Walker WeMobile Music ©2005 CCLI #4556332

Lord I surrender all to
Your strong and faithful hand
In everything I will give thanks to You
I’ll just trust Your perfect plan

Chorus:
When I don’t know what to do
I’ll lift my hands
When I don’t know what to say
I’ll speak Your praise
When I don’t know where to go
I’ll run to Your throne
When I don’t know what to think
I’ll stand on Your truth
When I don’t know what to do

Lord I surrender all
Though I’ll never understand
All the mysteries around me
I’ll just trust your perfect plan

Bridge:
As I bow my knee
Send Your perfect peace
Send Your perfect peace, Lord
As I lift my hands
Let Your healing come
Let Your healing come to me

Today my heart has been heavy. I've had a general, oh I don't know, lets say Abby's favorite word "EWWWWWWyyyyeee" feeling. Just a discontentment.
But I love the fact that I have a living God, and he can speak to us through anyone. I also love the fact that before you know it friends of friends can become your friend too. I am so blessed to have gathered up such a strong and uplifting group of women. There was a time when I had ZERO female friends, I can't even fathom that now.
Before I go off on a Girls Rule tangent. I'd like to share a verse that a friend of a friend sent me today:

God says, "I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and NOT to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Nikki, that verse spoke to my soul deeper then you know. Thank you for being a vessel and calming my heart with that blessing. You could never have over stepped your bounds- for I hope to safely call you friend, and there a few bounds between true friends.

Think about that verse for a moment, dwell in it, accept it. THE God of the entire universe has a plan for each of us. Not a rinkey dink plan either, a HUGE plan. A life shatteringly wonderful plan....for YOU, for me, for us all. wow...

wow... was 2006 really the last time I blogged? Honestly, no. Shortly after my soul searching epiphany I discovered MySpace and became hopelessly hooked. I began blogging there. But now I think it's time to come back here and reflect more deeply on my life, my self, but most of all my faith. So walk with me, no come closer...right beside me my friends. I don't have time now to fully reflect on my journey sense 2006 but I'm excited to know you are here, willing to listen and share, and teach, and be my friend.

Times they are a changin'. I feel like I'm about to embark on an amazing journey. Not just the fact that my body will be housing the newest addition to our family for the next 8 months, or that we will have two children instead of one within the next year, or Jay's crazy work schedule, or the move. I feel like something big will be happening with me, or maybe inside of me. I have this need to seek out my truest self. Me at my finest; spiritually, mentally, physically. I have a lot of work to do as a mother, wife, friend, human. Don't get me wrong I think I'm a swell gal, latily though I've felt a need to be better, to do better, to show AJ better. On a whole I've been shoving that little voice to the back so I could get some sleep, or watch some more TV, or do something else that just saps my spirit dry. So here goes nothing I'm awake now, ready for this journey, ready to listen to the voice that tells me


Be the change you want to see in the world.
-Mahatma Gandhi



I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
- Edward Everett Hale

It is my time, and times they are a changin'