Relating to Mary....

This last 6 months have been strange. I have simultaneously been more blessed then I could ever dream and more overwhelmed then I could ever imagine.

I've been praying a lot about this. How can I feel so burdened when Gods yolk is light? How can I be so stressed and broken standing amongst such blessing? To be honest, I end most days feeling so ungrateful. Not because I am. No, I clearly see Gods hand working in my life in STUNNING jaw dropping ways; but because through all the blessings I still feel such weight.

Then this Sunday God used my pastors message to remind me of His amazing Hope, and His plan for me.

This Sunday I saw Mary the mother of MY Savior unmasked. The veil of wonder at her virgin birth momentarily lifted so I could see her as a woman.

Imagine with me if you will...

Being a poor 16 year old girl. You'd be trying to make plans for your future. Maybe you'd want to be married; she did. Maybe you'd want do find a way to improve your lot in life; most of us do. You'd work day in and out, life would be hard, but still you'd strive on. After all you have your faith to remind you that indeed there is something better then this.

Imagine hearing that you would become pregnant.

....That thought alone holds such weight for me. When we found out about my son I saw my future plummet. I know that's not an easy thing to hear; it's not an easy thing to admit. It is the truth though. I had plans. I was going to make it. I was going to be someone. I was NOT planning to be a statistic let alone any one's mom. I was scared....

But at that moment when Gabriel told her of Gods delight in her and His plans for her she didn't question him she said YES. She accepted His call and blessing.

Don't you think it was hard? I know it was for me. Being young, unmarried, and pregnant. People must have talked. They always do.

How do you think she felt when they said she had to go to Bethlehem? Now not only was she blessed to be carrying the son of God, but God was requiring her to travel a great distance for His birth. We know that she went. We know that Joseph got her a donkey so she wouldn't have to walk. I know donkeys stink. I know traveling when you are pregnant is never comfortable. In that moment do you suppose she felt heavy too? She carried on and did what God was asking of her but I can't help wondering if she cried out to God that this was to much for her to bare.

When they got to Bethlehem and could find no room anywhere do you think she was frustrated? I know I would be.

When the pain got to be too much and God provided the stable do you think she was grateful? While still feeling grateful do you suppose she also wondered...why here? Why have you chosen to be born here Lord? Do you think she even thought of her tender ...soft cheeked, sweet smelling baby as her King of Kings?

How do you think she felt living in Egypt during Jesus' toddlerhood? I know that raising a family without your own can be exhausting.

When Jesus cried, she comforted Him and his siblings. He was not her only child. Her hands were full. Yet, when He was eager to learn don't you suppose she taught Him? her child- fully human and fully God, being His mother must of been both a complete blessing and daunting.

He was sent to save the world. She knew that. Yet He was her son. It's incomprehensible to me what she must of felt as His ministry grew. As the cross approached.

I can never visualize that day on the cross without picturing Mary too. Her child, her Lord. She must have felt so overwhelmed, so broken, so devastated.

Did she know that day when Gabriel told her Gods plans what it all meant? What she'd feel along the way? I doubt it.

I also doubt that she gave over to the guilt of her negative thoughts (if she had any). She was being used by God. He had a plan to bless her, and prosper her. Plans to give her hope and a future.

I am being used by God. By seeing Mary as a woman/mother I am able to find myself.
I am not raising the son of God but I can relate to Mary. He has called me to raise 3 of his most wonderful creations. They are marvels of His hands. He longs for them to know Him. That is my purpose. As long as I have brought them to Him and the Cross to worship I am a success. I am significant. He doesn't care if my house is clean or they can do algebra- so why do I allow myself to feel so burdened by those things and thoughts of the future?

Feelings are fleeting. They are fickle and changing- my God is not.

So like Mary I will follow the path He has laid before me. I just hope there are no donkeys in my future.